No more shoulding on myself!

I should blog about my fun trip to California and upload all my pictures for you to see instead of doing this post...

I should be doing laundry instead of on the computer...

I probably should brush my teeth...


My friend and mentor, Holly, recently told me to stop shoulding on myself.

I was taken aback at first thinking she told me to stop shitting on myself! I was shocked! I had to ask her to repeat herself, and she explained... I had been opening up about some struggles I was having with marriage stuff, and had said that, "...a good wife should..." and that's when she interrupted me and said I need stop shoulding on myself. Holly continued to explain that I am not to do things under the impression that I should do them. If I have an unwillingness to do something, but do it because I think I should, it's an unhealthy habit that will only bring about resentment. Wow! That was a new concept for me, and a VERY  F R E E I N G.

In this wonderful world of blogging, I have come across some great blogs! Ones about activities to do with kids, organizing, frugal living, crafting, food, faith, you name it, there is one! While they are full of inspiration, they can make me fall into shoulding myself! I'm a stay at home mom, I should have a clean home, great meals, educational activities for Camille, all the laundry done...and by the end of the day the energy to pounce Joel at night when we go to bed!

There are many things wrong with the above statement! Beginning with the idea of what a stay at home mom is and does. That is a whole other blog post, though. I am extremely thankful Holly helped free me from the obligations I put on myself of what I should or shouldn't be doing. For each person our drives, desires, relationships, roles, gifts, etc are all uniquely different. What one person chooses to do, doesn't mean that is what I need or should be doing.

Take today for example... Both girls went down for their naps around the same time. I really wanted to get a nap in myself but did a few things first. When I got to my bed, Juliet woke up. I cuddled and played with her and still had hope for a nap since she'd go down again before Camille woke up (Miss C enjoys 3 hr naps still!). Juliet went down again, and so did I. I heard Camille in her room. UGH! She had a short nap! I told myself that I SHOULD go get her. But, I didn't. She was playing happily in her room, and I REALLY needed some rest myself. So, I shut my door and closed my eyes and enjoyed a 45 min nap! Ahhh! I needed that. And, Camille was happy as could be when I opened her door to greet her.

I was a better Mommy this afternoon because I took that time to care for myself. As I've thought about this nap time scenario more, it was my own preconceived ideas that made me feel like I should get Camille, and that I shouldn't take a nap. I stomped on that thought, and enjoyed my nap with no guilt! Now if Miss C was yelling, "Mommy, I'm awake!" and banging on her door, then the scene would have played out differently.

Another example...yesterday was Valentine's Day. Camille and I have enjoyed the anticipation of this special day to show others our love for them. We've been busy creating and cooking. Joel eagerly gave us both flowers and chocolates. It was a fun day expressing our love! This day can make me feel like I should do this or that to express my love to others and to Joel, though. This Valentine's Day, however, I was liberated! I didn't should on myself! My love was expressed joyfully and how I wanted to give it. It was probably different than how the commercials say I should celebrate Valentine's Day. And it was probably different than how you chose to celebrate. AND THAT'S OKAY! What matters is what's in my heart, to take action through WILLINGNESS and DESIRE instead of obligation, expectation, or feeling like I should !!!

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Here are some pictures of our day yesterday. I forgot to snap some of my gifts from my love. You'll just have to imagine a bouquet of blue hydrangeas, the delightful taste of dark chocolate peanut butter cups, and the aromas of a romantic dinner made by my babe...

I think Camille anticipated and viewed Valentine's Day like Christmas! She was pretty excited to give and receive expressions of love!

I don't have a fancy pancake mold, so cut out these beautiful hearts!

Camille LOVED the flowers from her daddy

Joel also gave her some chocolate covered Joe O's!

Oh my goodness, was she so giddy over that!

Smelling the deliciousness of them!

(Notice her shoes? She put them on when she woke up by herself for the first time!)